How's life treating ya?

Just found out today, I'm a little over 8wks pregnant excited but holy moly! 2 babies in diapers at once! Lol! <3

you what? OMG! That is awesome news Trin! Congrats!

Wow! Congrats!

I know! Lol! Omg and Wow have been a big part of my own vocabulary too! Haha! And tytyty!

Congrats Trin!

Tyty Jill!!!

Aww congrats to you!

Tytyty Toasti!! I am just in awe! Told my Dr the other day he was the best rotor rooter ever! My pipes are working! Lol! I have decided, however, that I will be getting 'fixed' after this one

Wow Trin! This is great news! Congrats hun !

Thanks Frannie!!

Congratulations!!

Thank you Terra!! How have you been?

Late gratz Trin, hope all is well with the pregnancy.

A be delayed, but congratulations, Trinity!

Hmm, Blister in the Sun by the Violent Femmes come to mind after I spent two hours walking up and down Mill Avenue in Tempe, AZ, occasionally going into one bar, then another. Analgesics, stimulants, and alcohol are a terrible combination whilst in a popular public space, fear and loathing prevail. Fear of living outside of the law where horseback riding agents of "law and order" protect the interests of the Money-Grubbing Malcontents of Capatalism and serve the wiles of doublethink. Loathing of the people who pass me by, their listless and complacent faces a stark contrast to the violent apathy one feels from excessive existential dread and reading too much Chomsky.

"When I go a-walking I strut my stuff and I am so strung-out,
I'm high as a kite and I just might stop to check you out.

"Let me go on..."

Met a lovely woman, she smiled at me as I walked by. I returned the smile but kept walking. She doesn't need a ticket to the ride that is me, she seemed too friendly and nice, and beautiful. A month around me would only result in bitterness, sleep deprivation, and misanthropy. Let me go on.

Another latecomer, but congrats Trin!

It has been a long time since I have posted anything here.  The main reason for this is that I made promise to myself to only post if I had something positive to share.  Took a while didn't it?  But then, I honestly didn't think that I would ever have anything positive to share.

Yet I do.

It started over a year ago now when I was reading up on some research.  I won't go into details, but it motivated me to see my diabetic nurse (as in she is a specialist nurse, not that she has the illness ) and I asked her to recommend me for a gastric bypass.  She asked me if I knew what I was asking for and I was able to assure her that I knew exactly what I was talking about.  So she explained to me that it isn't as simple as it used to be.  There is a new blah-blah-blah.  All I was thinking as she talked was 'a means to an end'.  I figured I could jump through their hoops to get what I wanted.  So I agreed to be recommended for this group and got put on a waiting list.

That was January.  In November, I got my appointment.  I had to travel to the other side of town (two buses and an hour later) to go to a group session.  And man do I hate groups!  But, with the mantra of 'means to an end' keeping me going, I went.

And this is where things got interesting.  I was all prepared for the usual ' you are a big fat bloater' kind of attitude and didn't get that.  We were told that we would be seeing four different specialists who would be handling our treatment for the next two years.  The first person I saw was the psychotherapist.  Meh.  They were nice, but do they think I haven't had enough analysis in my life?  So wasn't too impressed there.

The second person was a dietician.  I was ready here to cut her to shreds, but nope, she was great.  No food is banned, you are not on a diet, let's make small changes ... Well. fair enough, I can work with this.  

Then a sports scientist.  Yes, I know.  I need to exercise more, but why?  What is my motivation?  That was his question.  What will motivate me, not for a month, or six months, but long term.  I was left to think about that.

The fourth one was a consultant endocrinologist.  Now, this was most interesting of all.  He looked at my records and looked positively doleful.  I was thinking that it must be really bad to make him look like this and was wondering what I had done.  He looks at me and he says "I believe in the principle of first do no harm".  Part of the Hippocratic oath, so okay ...  He continues.  "And looking at your medicine, we are doing you harm."  Long chat ensues in which we talk about my phobia of needles and ways around it, because yes, a change in medicine, requires that I inject myself once a week.  Great.  Just great.  Even the 'means to an end' mantra is starting to fail me here.

The first session ends and I am back on a waiting list.  A shorter one this time because by January, my medication is switched.  One of the tablets I was on makes people gain weight.  The fact that I didn't gain weight for ten years I take as an achievement (explains why I struggled to lose it though)

End of January and I go for my first weigh in.  It is the first time in my life that I strut up to the scales with a confident grin.  I know what they are going to say.  Yep, in a month, I have dropped a dress size!  That was medication alone.  So what about the exercise motivation?  Well, he is currently snoring on my chair.  A big black 40kg dog!  He is amazing and he also needs walking - three times a day, every day.  So I now walk at least five miles a day without fail, sometimes more.  More than that, I am doing it without my walking stick!

My next weigh in and well, my year one goal was to lose 10% of my body weight, so what do I do for the rest of this year?  Because yes, I aced that goal in under four months!

This hasn't come easy.  I have to admit that.  There have been days when I have wanted to quit because I have been so tired, frustrated and in so much physical pain it has felt like too much.  But then I can't give up, I have an animal that needs me to feed him, walk him and yes, play with him too.  And when I reach absolute breaking point, then he is the one to put his head on my lap or lick my ear and it is like he is saying that he is there for me too.

It's not easy, but damn is it worth it!  I realised that for the past ten years of my life I have been waiting to die.  Now I am starting to live again.  Yes, I will always have this chronic illness, things will always be harder for me to achieve than a healthy person, but for the first time in my life, I am prepared to make that effort.

So this is my big positive.  My life is off hold now and I am finally moving forward.  Even if I don't lose another pound of weight, my fitness level is so much higher than it was that I am able to enjoy things again and that to me is worth everything.  

So that's how life is treating me these days

Wow, Bekah! I am so happy for you! Keep it up and keep us informed!

Great job, Bekah! I'm so happy you were able to find so much within yourself to take charge and take care of yourself like that. Way to go and keep it up!

+1! One of the best things I've read. So proud of you re the 5 miles per day and the overall perserverance!

Aww you guys just give me the warm fuzzies

Came here to definitively work out a date something happened, and saw this, and fought through password memory haze to sign in and say:

Bekah, you are amazing and I am so so happy for you!!!! <3 <3 I remember the joy I felt when I got off my walking aids and can only and reading your post has renewed my motivation to keep getting better and advocate for myself when the doctors don't want to listen.

Been a while since I last posted here. I'm really proud of you, Bekah. Like you seriously have no idea, it's people like you that help me get up in the morning.


I went through what was, without a doubt, some of the darkest and hardest moments of my life during the Christmas period. Too complicated to really talk about in depth and I'd rather not dwell on it (plus I can't be fucked), but I'm finally starting to come out on top and get my life together.

Awesome, Bekah!

Life's been quite a ride... but now I'm in a much better place.

A little context, some of it a bit dark: my parents divorced when I was about 8 years old. My dad was in the army, went to Desert Storm, and came back with PTSD and other issues, and my mother left him. My mother got custody, he started dating (eventually married) a psychopath, and the rest of my life I barely knew him. My mother remarried pretty quickly. My stepdad was drunk and verbally abusive, my mother was a narcissist and an enabler, and I lived in a small village... I was always in trouble and being screamed at for no reason in particular. My childhood was not happy.

I went off to college in 2002 but I never graduated. Started dating someone, she was due to graduate, so I "ran away from home" and married her and spent years working to support her as she went through grad school and post grad. She got her Ph.D. Then her big university job. Then she was so focused on writing her book, getting tenure... she never had time for me. Michigan was the last place I wanted to go live, but it was the best job opportunity for her, so we went anyway. I was depressed for more years than I care to admit, but I got through it by focusing on work and being an internet addict, especially World of Warcraft and RK. I always wanted to play characters who were "better" than I was, why I tried to be "good," but I didn't know how to connect with people - likely why my RK characters wound up being tragic all the time - Mistah Q, Stalvan, Ronaldreagan.

Anyway. 2012 or so. It was finally supposed to be "my turn" to finish school, get my degrees. I transferred into a community college, did my four semesters, and got my Associate's Degree with high honors. I was so proud. I transferred into Eastern Michigan University and started the Dietetics program aiming toward a dual Bachelor's/Masters degree. And then, my dad (that I barely knew) was diagnosed with lung cancer. It didn't take too long - he died in April 2015. My education fell apart, my wife was unsupportive during the whole ordeal, my marriage began falling apart, I dropped most of my classes the following two semesters...

Last summer I got divorced (after 11 years, but no kids) and moved to California to start a new life. I found a job pretty quickly, make decent money - but the tradeoff is that they have me working 54 hours a week and I don't exactly love it... but it pays the bills. I've almost been here long enough to claim California residency, and then I'll be able to work toward finishing school for real, and on my terms. Started dating someone lovely who has much in common with me, and my only complaint now is that my job doesn't leave me enough time to keep in touch with people or keep up with gaming how I'd like - but ain't that the truth for everyone?

I'm still around on RK - my character's name is Fratley - and I used to guard that as a secret but I don't mind anymore. I'm happy now. I don't feel like I "need" RK anymore - the nice thing is that I still want to play. I just have to find the time!

Is good to see you bro!

Sorry about all you went through. They always say 'what doesn't kill you makes you stronger', but somehow, anecdotes just don't cut it anymore.

I hear ya about time, it seems to become the enemy. ^^